Hello! Happy Friday. I’m writing to you hung-over from my office. “Yay”. I like to warn you because sometimes it means my stream of consciousness leans towards unkind rather than HILARIOUS which I’m sure it usually is. It’s nice weather though; it’s pretty much the weekend and life is good. to listen to Morrissey for a few hours which would probably be my worst nightmare usually but it’ll be good times and good people so pop in if you’re around.
For reasons that I still will try not to mention here, I still hate PETA, so of course they hired the fucking Situation to do a disgusting (and in my opinion, kind of disturbing) poster thing. That disgusting face. That poor cat in his roid-y arms. Fucking PETA. The most moral high ground psychos around and they hire THIS GUY. This guy has built his entire career on being a vile materialistic douche-kebab who gets drunk for a living, fucks girls and calls them grenades or crazy the next day. Also pretty sure he eats steak by the kilo. Wtf. FURTHERMORE if you’re going to shamelessly promote your noble cause by using celebrities, choose someone who is less of a sad has-been (and if we’re being honest here, he has never “been” much of anything anyway). Okay thanks.
Natalie Portman! This woman had a BABY. I swear it was less than a year ago. Look at that bod. But more importantly look at those huge fake pointy boobs they’ve stuffed in her sweater. But even more importantly look at that beautiful facial expression.
The movie “Hitchcock” will be coming out soonish; the story of Alfred Hitchcock creating Psycho. I’m really looking forward to this and the trailer (above) was just released. Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren and Scarlett Johansson are an exciting group of actors too. Yipee!
Lindsay Lohan got into a physical bitch fight with her crazy mom on the front lawn of her house? The story is actually kind of confusing and this girl’s mess’s parents are turning out to be probably even crazier than her so I just feel a bit sorry for her now. I stand by what I said last week. MOVE TO GORE IN NEW ZEALAND AND WORK ON A FARM. Somehow her mental dad was also called and you can hear Lindsay in the phone call (which he so lovingly recorded and sold to TMZ) saying “Dad, mom’s on coke!”. It was revealed today that they were fighting about Dina going to rehab. Lindsay Lohan was telling her mom that she needed to go to rehab. When Lindsay Lohan is telling you that you have a problem and need to go to rehab, you’ve lost at life.
Leona Lewis is a musician that you may or may not have heard of because she is boring and I can’t even think of a single song by her right now. Anyway because “50 Shades of Grey” is stupidly such a big deal, every b,c and d list celebritaaaay is giving their 2 cents about who they think should play Christian Grey. This is what Leona Lewis had to say:
"For Christian Grey it has to be someone really hot and super smooth. Why am I just thinking of Chris Brown... maybe Chris Brown!"
Lol. Lol lol lol. A emotionally abusive ‘sexy’ man who likes to smack and whip and whatever else I don’t know I haven’t read the book. 50 Shades of Black and Blue starring Chris Brown.
Speaking of Chris Brown (unfortunately) the world was a-buzzing last weekend because he broke up with Karrueche for Riri (pretty much), and then released the most embarrassing video I’ve ever seen in my life. STOP TELLING US ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS I DON’T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THEM.
Olivia Wilde’s vagina was dead when she was married to her ex-husband. I guess Jason Sudeikis performed mouth to mouth and it came alive! (Sorry it was too easy.)
“Fashaaaawwwwn” is so hilarious sometimes. She looks like a T-Rex who’s pooped her pants.
Brad Pitt did a really boring interview with Interview Magazine but had a pretty cool photoshoot where he dressed up like a bunch of different characters. My favourite is the dreadlocked “soulful” one because I feel like that could easily be his natural state if he wasn’t that BITCH Angelina Jolie’s polished, groomed and trained Hollywood baby maker….. teamjenteamjenteamjenteamjenteamjen
Mila Kunis was named the Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire magazine, most of the world concurs.
Bobbi Kristina (Whitney Houston’s daughter) is marrying her adoptive brother. Hmmmm.
Hulk Hogan humped his best friend’s wife and taped it like a moron, and now it’s out there for the whole disgusted world to see. Unfortunately/fortunately the world very much DOESN’T want to see, so… No harm done? (Shudder)
Terrence Mallick has an untitled project underway and Natalie Portman and Michael Fassbender are starring in it. Exciting!
That’s all this week! I will see you all next Friday, the day before my birthday! Please cross your fingers for some good weather for me :-)
I leave you with this! Have some cuteness.
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